Cupcake

Wanderlust

2011-11-25T19:48:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else feel this way?

The need for simplicity throughout the day.

So much stimulus and I can't seem to turn it off.

It's time for a break.

The Strangeness of Life

2011-09-01T16:19:00.002-06:00

The facts of not knowing.

2011-05-27T08:19:00.000-06:00

The tides are changing.

I'm concerned of what exactly didn't happen

at an unknown point and time.

2011-05-24T17:36:00.001-06:00

I'm not really sure what happened.

Winter Depression is Passing.

2011-04-20T13:30:00.000-06:00

Life is changing and I'm starting to smile.

Weddings bells can be heard in the distance.

I can't pass judgment for your affairs.

But I still have an opinion.

It's rushed.

But this is life.

It's not a story book, our beginning was birth

and our death is the end.

So you're doing what you need to do.

do your electronics make you miss the world around you?

2011-03-18T17:28:00.000-06:00

No one will ever know where I was.

or if I was ever there in the moment when I wasn't captured on film.

Such a strange intensity.

But it's a normal reality.

I don't need the world to know what I'm doing each

and every second of my day.

I wonder if I'm missing out because I don't post my status?

I think I'm happier this way, but I'm curious how happy all those people are

whose faces are glued to their electronics.

Mentally Ill.

2011-02-26T15:25:00.001-07:00

I've done everything half assed.

I'm sucking everything up and finally doing what needs to be done.

We Are Who We Are

2011-02-26T15:21:00.000-07:00

My throat is caught in my chest.

My laughter stuck to my tears.

My words caught in my hands.

I'm so afraid of letting go.

My mind stuck in the memories.

Sometimes I need to remind myself to live in the present...

Uncontrollable.

2011-02-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

One word which is so simple yet,

Incredibly definite and hard to escape.

I am constantly seeking the approval from the unachievable.

My mind a static mess from the pounds of words written over my mind.

I'm forgetting to remember.

2011-01-21T14:52:00.002-07:00

never forget the time we used...

2011-01-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

The moments are becoming more absurd, reality sinking into my skin.

The decisions we make define our present.

Typo.

2011-01-12T00:45:00.001-07:00

So I left and then I came back.

It was so easy to leave everything behind

and it feels so strange to be back.

It's all different now and I'm ready to make something of myself.

But how do I gain the experience I need?

What I really want?

I want to make beautiful art, I want to make books,

I want to craft and most of all I want to do this everyday.

But the undying question of money is always lingering.

How can I sell a painting without experience?

How can I publish a book without being a notable author?

Everything will come in time; I keep forgetting about patience.

Not everything has to be done right now.

Supposition

2010-07-20T17:59:00.000-06:00

I am already who I am supposed to be.

This is in some way comforting,

I'm always worrying I'm not doing what I need to be doing.

But I've got choices and in the end I make the decisions.

I chose to write to you.

I chose to spend my nights here.

I chose to spend my time with you.

I chose to talk to you.

I chose to try my best at being happy.

Sometimes things are harder than words.

But words are all I have.

the dawn is coming

2010-07-03T01:01:00.000-06:00

Do you ever dream of the impossible.
I'm terrified to sleep again.
This isn't the first time my subconscious has tried to take over.
I'm leaving reality in the shadows of the night.
My Kaleidoscope eyes repeating the heart wrenching sensations.

If I tell you nothing could happen
or it could end everything.
It's almost time to gain my sanity back.
But you aren't letting me do this.

Take Me Down...

2010-07-02T01:56:00.000-06:00

Have you ever sat around waiting?
I'm always wondering what we're living for.
How far do I need to go to be away from it all.
I feel like no country is far enough to escape this.

I can feel my words are becoming increasingly blunt.
I'm to tired to mask my mistakes.

I know exactly what I want and I know I can't have it.
It's pathetic how I don't want to seem needy, clingy or desperate.
But in all reality isn't this desperation?

I'm so sick of loving you.

Real lies

2010-06-30T02:02:00.000-06:00

All I need is time.

Wicked, manipulative;

cocaine cocaine feeding on my hungry brain.

I couldn't look into your eyes

because I'm afraid of what I will fall into.

My own weakness drags me down into it's crevices.

A burning soul full of desire.

Give me time and I will explain my

so called desperation.

My attempts to fail and fall.

My lies and the way I can't look at you

because I know if I do

I won't change a damn thing.

Simply put...

2010-06-27T23:22:00.001-06:00

If it was simple I would have said it by now.

I love you doesn't cut it.

It sounds desperate and wanting.

I am neither.

All I want you to know is that I care.

I want you to be a part of my life.

I want I want I want to much.

And I obviously know you don't feel the same.

This is why I have never been straight up.

It's impossible to throw your feelings at someone when you

know you're going to be rejected.

But I need to let you know so I can let go of it all.

I'm falling on thin air.

timetimetimetimetimetime

2010-06-16T02:20:00.000-06:00

I'm waiting for something drastic.

For someone to join me on my journey.

I'm scared because no one wants to come.

I'm always waiting.

It's so hot and I feel so exhausted.

Let me go.

Stop nagging.

Stop enquiring.

You're making this harder than it needs to be.

I can't bare to leave and watch you carry on ignorant to my world.

But maybe this is what we need.

New zealand? I think it's time to apply for that working visa...

what makes your head tilt.

2010-06-09T09:07:00.000-06:00

I'm playing with fire.

Five Forty Five. Ten O'clock.

All I wanted was to explore

the repercussions of your caress.

Endear me with your audacity.

All I wanted was to feel...

touch.

sense.

All I can think is I am not who I want to be.

I am not where I want to be.

I'm in love with something I am incapable of holding onto.

three weeks

2010-06-06T22:10:00.002-06:00

two years.

I just wanted you to listen.

But you couldn't even give me that.

what would you take...?

2010-06-06T03:45:00.000-06:00

Would it make me strong if I could leave everything behind.

I've thought about it, but I wouldn't only because I am afraid.

Maybe I'll pack one bag this week and walk.

Maybe, soon, maybe one day.

I'm always saying maybe...

maybe tonight.

I promised.. and I forgot..

2010-06-05T23:57:00.001-06:00

When I see the world through my eyes I search for the beauty.

Like how you justify the decisions you make by only seeing the good in it,

I do this for the world.

I'm ignoring your actions.

I'm coming around slowly.

Realizing that I am delusional.

I'm starting to lose my grip

on my dreamland reality.

I'm creating a world within my sketchbook.

I can always find you there.

I was a dreamer once upon a time and you were the man

I could never let myself love.

2010-06-01T00:50:00.000-06:00

I refrain from calling only because I am terrified.

Hide Your Breath

2010-06-01T00:35:00.000-06:00

My silent tears seep through my palms.

My heart stops in pain as it begs to beat.

This darkness of recognition and understanding is agonizing.

Gold flames burst into a swallow, I cling to the dawn that is so far away.

I linger on thoughts of you, the surrealism of your embrace and your kiss.

You've kept me breathing for the octobers of convergence.

I think I've forgotten my soul five times again.

The mice that scanter over my brain

have yet to be calmed. My soul

aches for you.

The oceans filled with fear, my stomach breached.

You eradicated the dreamer I once was.

Late nights and we've all forgotten

the shirtless.

Imaginary

2010-05-24T01:17:00.000-06:00

Good morning evil angel.
Spread your eyes and whisper a lullaby
I missed you tonight.
Let me breathe and I'll wake you when you dream.
Put me to sleep water wings.
Tuck me in your waves of tears.
Bring me home when my fears have vanished.
When I am no longer searching let me go.

Look at the moon...
I can almost see you evil angel.

The whisper of your eyes on my lips.
Helpless I thought we could dance around the moon once more.
Maybe I never truly loved you.
But you were easy to hold.
Your words empty of reality.
I chose to look through you instead of at your
aging hands, the tremble on your lips.

Goodbye evil angel, goodbye helpless eyes, goodbye lover...

I Still Don't Know You.

2010-05-20T11:39:00.000-06:00

I search for the illogical within the rational.

The irrational within the logical.

We play this game without loss; without consequence.

The fear starts to creep up and then we begin to believe there is nothing.

I'll find you tonight.

I still owe you.

I can always wait an eternity for you.

2010-05-07T20:41:00.000-06:00

I am so full of hatred that it has made me exhausted.
I am too strained to breathe.
The inhaling is painful, but it's just that
much harder to let it out.
These moments are delayed with distress.

The waiting makes me disheartened.

I want to say hello to the world.

I think it's almost time we say good bye.

I miss you.

hello world. i think i'm almost ready to leave.

2010-05-07T12:58:00.000-06:00

2010-05-05T17:34:00.000-06:00

I'm looking for something new.

Something exciting that will make my hurt pump

in glee. I want my feet to fly with anticipation.

Maybe I just need to risk it all.

What could the harm be?

Absolutely everything and anything.

Nothing. It wasn't anything at all.

2010-05-05T17:30:00.001-06:00

Your breath on my neck,

all i could feel was the world shattering.

The present is simple.

The patting on my chest

and angry voices.

We smoke through the night and

we sleep until dawn.

All I want to remember?

It used to be only the good.

Now?

Everything, the details, the nothingness of it all.

you're killing me

2010-03-24T05:00:00.001-06:00

In my house made of bed sheets

I'm beginning to find the stars I've hidden

under my pillows.

Your smile still traps me

and I'm so afraid to make the first move.

leave leave leave leave leave

2010-03-02T13:03:00.003-07:00

Working on the loose ends,

just cutting them off.

2010-03-02T12:37:00.001-07:00

sippin on some sunshine

I've been jaded.

2010-02-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

I realized in the depths of my own arms

I could reach my breath and

pull myself through the cloth

that I've covered myself in.

This is something new.

I am stronger than ever before.

And I've closed myself off from the world.

Sunday will come and go, but only you

can prove what you have said to me.

And sometimes the world just happens.

2010-02-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

The infinite thunder of your breath and the force of energy
pulling through gravity.
You slipped.
The excitement ripped through my eyes
as lightning struck the ground.
And yet you never heard a word I yelled.

2010-02-07T21:14:00.001-07:00

What happens when you've lost the words that come naturally?

Point blank. I hope this is clear.

2010-02-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have very few regrets.

I don't believe in it.

But when it involves the people around me,

it gets under my skin.

Itches.

Yet I don't do anything about it.

I'm sick of you telling me I can do it.

The fact is I don't want to.

I don't know why I listened to you.

You don't understand me.

I can't talk to you, but you're the only one who will listen.

It's frustrating me beyond belief and

I want to strangle you.

You aren't listening.

The silence is screaming through my brain as your words

come in and out.

I just don't care about money and financial success the way you do.

I don't care about the way I live as long as I have people.

I no longer have people.

18 years to late.

you lied to me

2010-01-30T19:07:00.001-07:00

What are we doing here?
In this make-belief place.
Psychosis.
I made this world in my dreams and I stay there longer
and longer each night.
I'm afraid of getting stuck with you no matter how much
I wanted to imagine.
A blackened sky and these monsters begin to seduce you into
it's starry hands.
Hips and bones may break my bones.

321gonemotherfuckers.

2010-01-27T21:28:00.001-07:00

A consummation of psychosis.

The worlds losing grip, I'm beginning to fall away

from what I thought was reality.

Against my will I let go; so easily you found me in my dreams.

I'm feeling to much, the pressure too intense.

Into the abyss of darkness I travel once more.

"what did you paint?"

I wish I had asked you.

Kelowna seems far...

2010-01-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

Cause we're long gone.

We'll find each other.

Only because I'm thinking of you.

you too.

2010-01-15T01:32:00.000-07:00

Your words seep into my finger tips,

I feel your lips on top of mine.

I taste your tongue, feel your hips and breathe into your neck.

The worst is when the stars begin to fall

and my heart begins to burst.

I know you don't feel this way.

But then why am I sitting in your sweater.

Who Are You Following?

2010-01-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

The grass will soon be green,

the water will run soon.

We'll meet again.

I'm sure of it.

Think.

2010-01-08T05:17:00.000-07:00

I'm frustrated with myself beyond belief.

I want a plan of action.

I want things to be simpler.

I don't want people to care about what I do with myself.

I just want to live.

I don't want people telling me I can't make it on my own.

It's not fair for you to tell me what I can and can't do.

I'm tired of crying.

I'm tired of listening.

I'm tired of being disappointed.

I'm like a five year old,

the only problem is I don't know what this five year old wants anymore.

She's hard to read and comprehend.

She wants all the things she can't have.

I am flawed to the bone.

2010-01-07T23:27:00.002-07:00

Slowly losing the self control which I hold over my body.

I'm breaking loose and I will die.

American Beauty

2010-01-06T23:45:00.002-07:00

How do you let go when there's so much to hold on to?

How do you relax and let the world flow through you

when you want to grasp it.

So much to say.

So many thoughts.
And such little capacity to express it.

The Value

2010-01-06T11:29:00.002-07:00

I dreamt that my things were burning.

You were astounded.

I jumped on your bed all night in my dream.

I wore you sisters pyjamas.

An explosion of ecstasy came alive in my sleep

seeping through my eyelids and burning my thighs as I moved.

I thought it was magical.

2010-01-06T11:13:00.001-07:00

I smell.

My ears are for listening to your lips

2010-01-06T11:03:00.005-07:00

If you read it properly you'd understand

I'm never looking for an answer, I'm

looking for a voice that would like to be heard.

2010-01-06T09:39:00.002-07:00

we've all got kaleidoscope eyes.

Run Baby Before It's To Late

2010-01-05T22:51:00.002-07:00

you make my heart pound.

you make my lips grin.

you make my hands shake.

I don't know why I let you do this to me.

What do you know?

2010-01-05T22:39:00.001-07:00

The good life?

"All you ever do there is drink, smoke and eat cookies" - Srecko

Sounds like a pretty good life to me.

2010-01-05T22:38:00.002-07:00

putting this in perspective is much harder than it would seem.

2010-01-05T22:28:00.001-07:00

I want the velvet walls.

I miss those moments.

I Was Just Thinking About You

2010-01-05T15:24:00.002-07:00

Wake up.

Let My Soul Into Your Hands

2010-01-05T14:06:00.002-07:00

I was only looking for an answer.

Instead I found a world full of endlessness.

Maybe there really are no answers.

Loss of Control That Wasn't Needed

2010-01-04T21:52:00.004-07:00

Sometimes people make choices because they are the "right" ones.

Sometimes people make choices because they are making a "secure" decision.

There is no such thing as security.

You could die tomorrow.

I could die tomorrow.

And the world will revolve until one day it dies itself.

Understand I'm no longer looking for security.

I'm looking for fulfillment.

Happiness??

A Belief That I am Flawed.

2010-01-04T21:46:00.003-07:00

Or maybe it's just a belief.

I'm slowing down.

Sucking in the air around me.

I am that person, exactly how you perceive me.

How can I not be?

I'm a million different people stuck into one body.

One mind.

And it comes down to this.

No regrets.

I have no fear of doing what I want.

I fear the people around me.

The mental and verbal abuse.

I can't withstand your yells any longer.

I stood up and walked away today.

It hurt me just as much as it hurt you.

I'll always be who you want me to be.

You just need to believe the words you preach.

Just as I believe mine.

"There are no wrong or right choices.

Only different ones.

These will lead you to different experiences.

I believe this makes people better.

More open.

But that's only my opinion not yours."

- Peppers

Babe I'm Gonna Miss You

2010-01-01T11:23:00.001-07:00

I don't need anyone telling me what to do.

My brain thinks and functions just fine.

I'm making decisions.

I just need someone to tell me that it's okay.

It's okay to feel this way and not want what the world wants.

It's okay to follow your heart even when it's all alone isn't it?

Whether We are Sober or Drunk.

2010-01-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'll be here and I'll be waiting

The Knights in Shining Armour are Outside

2010-01-01T09:33:00.003-07:00

It ended with bombs and war, missiles and gun powder

and all I could do was walk away.

It ended with the earth cracking and spitting fire

with meteoroids that broke the planet.

I didn't shed a single tear, but I was horrified

beyond feeling. I was numb and my only thought

was survive.

''Road To Zion"

2009-12-31T01:44:00.002-07:00

You are my inspiration.

Burning souls catching flames in the wisps of their palms.

Dancing in circles, waiting for the paths to break open in stone.

Distractions apparent in this prosperity.

Only glance into the distance.

Don't look to hard or when it comes you'll be disappointed.

I am happy with tranquility.

Help me dream with the softness of your hands.

Happiness

2009-12-31T01:41:00.003-07:00

I'm chasing wild dreams, waiting for nothing now.

All I ever wanted was this.

I'm back to where I started.

A fresh beginning with a new perspective.

You changed my life.

I hope we stay this way forever.

I hope forever is long enough for us to grasp

the concept of this world.

I'll always be your girl.

What are you looking for?

2009-12-15T19:49:00.003-07:00

acceptance.

understanding.

I don't know how to say it simpler.

I want to live everywhere.

I want the challenge of making it on my own.

The hard reality of searching for nothing.

I'll enjoy this while it will last.

lose your mind

2009-12-15T19:40:00.003-07:00

looking for the wild nights with glitter dust on the floor

leading me to shows.

2009-12-13T09:01:00.002-07:00

I'm still waiting for you today.

I'm Going Away For A Long Time Baby

2009-12-11T21:50:00.002-07:00

Now what?

Snow sparkling and my mind is racing.

You can't keep me.

Not now.

not ever.

I'm never yours.

Never my own to keep.

Maybe There's Nothing More

2009-12-11T13:33:00.003-07:00

Letting go is never easy.

This not knowing where you are is frightening.

I'm stuck in this head and I want out.

You've got everything figured out.

Everyone.

Is there anymore than this out here?

I'm losing the meaning of the words,

searching for the times I sat on your stool in the middle of nowhere.

I still have forever to figure this out.

Maybe I'll meet you tomorrow.

I Heard Thriller In The Air

2009-12-11T13:08:00.001-07:00

and it took my soul away...

READ

2009-12-04T14:59:00.002-07:00

Words aren't just words.

They aren't as they should be.

Simply put, and stated they are lost within meaning and symbols.

They are twisted, vulgar and filled with thought and experience.

No one relates words just as they are.

There is to much meaning and significance to a word.

People suck.

Do you get it?

Probably not.

I saw you coming back

2009-11-30T11:49:00.002-07:00

What a beautiful day for a new story...

What a beautiful day for a new adventure...

What a beautiful day for a new disguise to hide the flaws...

What a beautiful day to escape...

What a beautiful day...

Night/Day

2009-11-30T11:46:00.003-07:00

I think I gave up a long time ago on humanity.

Words cold and unemotional.

Everybody's mind is overwhelming full of truth and uncertainty.

There's to much to contain and not enough space for it all.

This is all to much.

For now.

Blow Away

2009-11-23T23:06:00.005-07:00

A thousand years have passed and I almost need a cane...

we're going to make it through this vicissitude.

The decadence tearing at my ankles;

swift currents smoking through hips and bones.

Are you Hansel? Maybe I'm Gretel.

Hold my hand until we wrap our heads around this reality.

You'll never understand...you'll be in the hay loft.

He'll have a gun and he'll be waiting in long johns.

I tell you to run, but the thunder is to loud.

You never hear me.

Tomorrow night I will dream again and you will hear me.

Sleep with us.

I don't mind.

Con Artist

2009-11-17T22:29:00.002-07:00

My directions senseless.

I like to think I'm special.

Full of vibrations, twitching.

Only because I can laugh at my own jokes

never the ones you make.

Keep it simple.

I was five and life was easy.

Marysia Land

2009-11-09T00:12:00.003-07:00

I miss the make-believe words I rolled onto my tongue

the inscriptions I wrapped around my hips,

the soft hands you placed onto my soul.

Where did the peaches and mangoes go?

My thighs wrapped in candy and smoke,

rainbow smoke that filled my lungs until I was annihilated.

I miss the warm breath you cause me to sniff,

choking me in an abyss of sickly glue.

I can't, I miss this. I miss this. This with you.

It's almost two, so where are you...

the sun goes down

2009-11-09T00:05:00.001-07:00

You told me if I love somebody that I should be able to let them go.

If they don't come back well...

but if they do then that love is appreciated even more.

Would you do anything differently?

2009-11-08T23:46:00.004-07:00

I'm exactly where I was a year ago.

Maybe I never was okay.

Where's my wonderland?

Repression

2009-11-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

I still have a lot of resentment inside...

It'll be okay. It is okay. It'll be okay. It is okay.

2009-11-06T10:33:00.004-07:00

My mentality was entangled with distress.

Words slipping through my thighs like knives.

Fingers taring at my scalp like scissors.

Black black hearts caught in a tribulation of suffering.

you you you you you you you

was all I could think.

Maybe me.

You had just wandered from an enclosure

and I was your primary contact.

That makes me feel different.

Except that's not the feeling.

All I wanted

All I want is to hold you because everything is okay.

I needed you to tell me.

Not the world.

I needed you.

The Exploding Snail Head.

2009-11-06T10:31:00.002-07:00

This time I made the right choice.

Freedom has never existed; go die

2009-09-24T14:45:00.003-06:00

This is sunday, but we are saturday.

Non-existant this is it and we're hiding from

the shadows which we produce selfishly in the streets.

Rinse wash and repeat.

again and again and again and again.

I will find you, you're escaping my grips driving me mad

with sane thoughts.

Breathe it in as we gasp ghosts.

Slipping into our throats you will lose

the initial incident.

I set my soul on fire and my shadows disperse into ash,

my hands smoulder in the spaces that fall between my hips.

I am falling farther into the pits up above.

Holding onto tears; to difficult to grasp.

We are searching, requesting the significance of what we want.

What is freedom?

Non-existant I believe that it is.

So many things unattainable.

2009-09-17T23:11:00.001-06:00

I could wait a thousand years for my knight in shining amour.

Two Faced

2009-09-14T19:13:00.002-06:00

I want to make something new.

Fresh and non-existent.

Something the eyes have never seen before;

yet it can be outrageous, no empty rooms, not garbage.

I want to create something beautiful in it's existence

to prove there is still a rare creativity left in art.

Which is the only thing every one is trying to do.

Maybe they've tried to hard and I find it dull

and non-alluring.

I will try and make you see the things you still can't see in me.

I Can Only Imagine

2009-08-09T19:17:00.002-06:00

An isolation that is only mine to keep; evolution at a halt

and a repetitive cycle - neverending.

I've seen it before; only this time I don't want to lose everything.

This time it actually matters.

I'm feeding it the insanity it needs to keep going.

If you want to keep me I'm yours.

But if you're mad or indifferent then I'm sad.

I don't really understand it.

Maybe nothing is wrong at all.

Maybe everything is wrong.

Things aren't what they used to be though.

I'm reaching out.

But I'm pretty sure it's not enough.

I won't speak my mind unless I feel safe.

I no longer feel safe with you.

I'm running and I'm scared you're not coming.

This is to important to twist my words.

Enervated; Burnt Out

2009-07-11T19:02:00.003-06:00

A consumation of inexistence

I am languid; almost indifferent.
But not quite.Incapable of speech with a forsaken vitality.
Lost within an eclipse of tribulation.
An affliction of a sadistic disease.
I am lost.
I have the appearance of death.
I am macabre.
I have been withdrawn from present existense.
Deceased.

Bury Me Deep; No Longer Breathing

2009-07-01T15:46:00.003-06:00

I'm at a loss for words and feeling extremely vulnerable.
We are always wanting for more;
I can never accept the limitedness that I receive.
However I want you to accept what I want.
A complexities of forfeit thoughts.
I am not invincible,
I am not strong,
I am everything you can't let yourself be.
All I want is for you to accept that I have accepted this.
I started to die the day I was born.

Cry Black Black Eyes

2009-07-01T15:40:00.002-06:00

These actions are wanted to be accepted by a positive approval.
All I want is for you to accept what I do.
Now what do you want?

We Have Been Bearded With Incompetence

2009-05-18T17:14:00.004-06:00

I am obscured obviously within a disguise,
my mask resonating a transpicuous realism.
The unambiguous reality from which we hide
is impervious to vulnerability.

I am vaulted and devoid;
I will never fail to remember you.
My mind an obliteration of forfeit introspections;
a cavern conscious to oblivion and misplaced disengaged thoughts.
An enumeration of words bereft of meaning.
I am senseless without feeling.
I am delusional and falling through myself as
I try to regain consciousness of the duplications around me.

I was searching for a parallel between us,
instead I took your traits and placed them within mine;
it was a hallucination.
It's always your choice to postulate the things you see.

Seeing isn't always believing;
believing isn't always seeing.

These consequences indefinitely invigorating.
I am faithfully unreliable
creating misconceptions for you to see.

I am sadistic, full of immoral obligations.
You can't see beyond my lucid erroneous perception of reality;
a phantasm because you believe in the make-belief fantasy.
My intentions; your seduciton.
I have created an elaborate dream;
an illusory mental image.

"Thousands rape suicide and hang from a city full of brilliant lights.
If only you would have been there to see me die."

An Inevitable Aggravation

2009-05-17T11:34:00.006-06:00

Show me something real, invincible.
This hazardeous realism is irresistable with undeniable deterioration.
A refutable evidence which lacks accuracy and precision.
A swaggering breath which maintains our sense of dubiousness.
The obvious veiled with unquestionable truth;
there is nothing significant here.

The sirens ring.
The devil dances.
The sirens ring
and we rape suicide.

Show me the self-control which you have failed to attain.
An exposition of failure, a manifestation of copulation.
Unmasking the savage guard from which we would hide behind.
We have feigned dishonesty with a veritable dreamlike reality.
A tangible, yet invalid imagination for an entirety.

The devil rapes suicide
as we dance ring around the rosy pocket full of posies;
ashes ashes we all fall down.

A teashing provocation;
a sadisticly moral objection.
Touch your hands against my scalp;
feel my grip on your skeletal back.
An undeniable attraction;
a macabre suffering of a sickly sentence.
die die die die die die die die

Ambiguous

2009-05-13T17:29:00.006-06:00

We are congruent in distinct ways,
yet if you examine the situation we are polar opposites.
The cause; our actions, words and thoughts.
We are relentless dreamers, masked by deception.

We aren't comparable.
We never were.
These words detach us; this insufficiency of understanding
is the reason for which we keep our distance.
It is disconnecting our deficiency of coherence.
I am dissociating myself; leaving you behind.

I look through our reflexions and I become conscious that
I never truly knew you these past six years.
I was doubtless until this instant;
when I became insignificant within your presence.
We were searching for the same thing, but my acceptance
didn't come hand in hand with yours.

Your eyes emulate the nothingness I never wanted to catch sight of.
My perception for reality has dispersed into a lack of emotions.
A senseless heart that has left me in a dark and obscure
vivdly luminous light.

This world is not within the grasp of my possession.
I am petrified to die; the thought perplexing.
What comes next?
Yet I see decaying just as impotent as existence.

The only reason I can't let this go is because
I'm terrfied to lose it all.

Yesterday I looked through you and saw nothing.
Maybe you can see through me.

I'm looking for something else;
delusional I am hiding in these trees.
This place will fade with time.
I am not done.

None of us are incognito.

Realize An Eluding Concept

2009-05-11T18:54:00.009-06:00

I am apprehensive, timid and disturbed;
that we will vanish with age.
I am frightened that we are nothing more than the present space.
When you retain me with your grasp; you refuse to let me withdraw willingly and it terrifies me.
I am immoral with wicked and perverse meditations.
I am impaired because you can't elucidate why you need to withold me.
This is much more than what anyone could imagine or annotate.
I am debauched; enticing a fool to deceive.
I have been violated;
corrupted with capricious and misrepresented reasoning.
I am eluding reality with barbaric imaginations.
I am dissolute with my perception of a moral and innocent reality.
We have been extortionated with ensnaring realities.

I can't see past tomorrow and you can't see past this moment.
We are loners searching for undesirable fantasies of grotesque masking.

I am only gratified with pleasure in your presence
because I admire you with indistinct understanding.
You're loyalty is intense with undefined vigor.
You acknowledge the aberrations I successfully accomplish.

I demanded for you to understand and accept;

however you can't do this.

I'm horrified that by any indecision or resolution made
I will be deprived of the existence of particular entities.

The unconventional observations of a lacking mind;

presently unaware of it's torn state.

A consistency of misunderstanding

2009-05-10T18:34:00.002-06:00

You rarely inquisition or wonder; passive aggressive.
Your absent curiosity misleading a captivated attraction.
An adequate extent of inane and nonsensical acts of
unintentional deviation that initiates a titillating stimulation.

You, me, you and it's everything that's never going to permutate nor diversify.
We required the world and we took it with demand.

crack crack crack coke
Your hands; my hips; your lips-withdrawn.

I fell asleep without doubts or diffidence;
I fell asleep with known apprehension
that I am a decaying corpse of failure.

an abomination for lifeless hands to hold and to grasp.
coke coke coke crack

We can run in circles, we can sing vulgar songs.
We will dance in sunshine, bask in the rain, feel in the ocean,
and breathe in the air.

Reach for the sky, clench onto our fake reflexions and vanish.

This Isn't What I Want To Say.

2009-04-08T21:34:00.003-06:00

These shadows are pulsing through my back;
I still want the covetousness I lust for greedily.
Your hands grope and I am paralyzed with terror as I repent with repellency.
An erotic chastity of virtue has dispersed through my chest
and I have forfeit my restraint to the innocence I never had.
You attained me with your affection just as I fell into your arms;
while I was irrevocably astray from my mind.
I have you and now I have everything to lose.
There are no more shadows left to dance through.

Monday Is Over And I Have No Savior.

2009-04-08T21:04:00.005-06:00

I cannot justify the revelations I wish to explain.
I seek safety within your arms, but that was yesterday
and it no longer exists.
I desired it, I needed it like the liquid air that floods through my lungs.

Inexplicably I am terrified.

Because I am trying to abstain from this carnality;
a sensual fervor.
I am persuadable, easily enticed.
I am in pursuit of lost thoughts and uncomprehendable desire.
Your lips were soft against mine,
yet all I'm searching for is comfort.

How Far Would You Go?

2009-04-06T18:49:00.003-06:00

These requirements were a demand to fulfill a lovers fantasies.
An absence of adulation and an abundace of insufficient lust.
This curiosity flatters me as your hands smooth across my hips.
Your lips across my chest.
I am breathing in confusion as I hold my thoughts together.
Deathly illegal and we are psychotic girls in lost dream lands.
Hands on your chest and I'm terrified.
My eyes looking through yours and I'm thinking.
My heart beats faster as my lungs scream in repulsion.
We are shadows within dreams and everything is unreal,
these feelings explicitly lucid.
These deceptions are like stars up in the sky.
I have a foreign soul, suffocated with a silhouette dream.
We are losers on drugs, we are children in heart, we are singers
desperatly searching for something beyond reasoning.

It Was Saturday Evening

2009-04-06T17:11:00.004-06:00

my embodiment of lifelessness collapsed
with unprecedented repurcussions.
The shock of atmospheric pursuits came writhing into my hands.
You exerted a weight onto my corpse ripping my throat apart with searing pain.
Thrusting these memories into my existence;
I have been asphyxiated with your desires.
Immersed within these walls;
submerged into a stark and desolate void.

Clearly Explicit Opaque Thoughts

2009-04-02T19:00:00.003-06:00

We are painted and hollow.

These words you breathe are questionable.
I held on because there was nothing left to lose

except for myself.
These lips drip with query and my hands seize your hips

as my release tightens.
I never want you to feel the pain that others can cause.

Do you see my world clear as day?

We're All Dead

2009-04-02T18:22:00.003-06:00

We are/We aren't

We all lack the self-respect we do not deserve.

You have no right to judge me.

This self-realization of contriction and mindlessness

is discreetly terrorizing the helplessness in which we are held within.

Mindless Authorities Without Restriction

2009-04-02T18:18:00.007-06:00

Not everything is about you.
Not everything is about me. Even if I think that you're talking about me.

These contrictions are limitless.
These actions are self-restriction which we impose upon ourselves
because we feel we must.
I won't get lost within the depths of your world
because I am buried beneath my own.

An Absence Of Meaningful Words

2009-04-02T17:56:00.005-06:00

In a stateless lucid mind I envision these things.
They are compelling, penetrating nightmares
distinctly clear within my mental state of apperception.
This feeling of losing control within my grips.

In order to advance physiological and pathological knowledge
we must repress the thoughts which embrace us in lustrous transpicuous light.
A vivisection of lies lost in an impetuous convulsion of transparent dreams
in which we can no longer withstand.
A spiral smoke filled with the smell of stale beer and smoke is
lacking in rational direction or purpose
and we lay here face to face.
This nostalgic feeling of emptiness,
of unknowing is a glistening fascination.
Stars that obscure my vision and I am enthralled in the reaches of nothing.
In search of nothing, because I don't know what I need.
These limitations meaningless when there is insignificance that surrounds me.
I fear the things I desire, these hollow yearnings of emptiness are restless.
This lullaby of craddled fears, wrapped within our balled up fists.
I am the night wanderer and I have finally lost you within a reasonable reach.
These strange times are a divination we fancy.

Flesh and Bone

2009-04-02T17:27:00.005-06:00

You are the senseless feelings I cannot capture within the grips of my hands.
I own you. You can't ever own me.
You embody incongruous feelings.
You aren't what I see.
You are who I feel.
I'm breaking through to who I see.
Lucid and compelling I am dragging you all the way down.
The shadows are walking and flowers could not save us from the sacrifice of death.
We are here and we are mindless in our rational minds.